


Love, Tsukki

by hitomu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Major Character Injury, One-Sided Attraction, Training Camp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22704592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitomu/pseuds/hitomu
Summary: Tsukishima is oblivious. He always is, but this time, it's not just him that will get hurt.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49





	1. Strange Beginnings

Hinata bounced—literally _bounced—_ into the gym, followed by a slightly more smug than usual Kageyama. Hinata started rambling about something that none of us could understand because he was talking _so damn fast_. Kageyama hit him on the head, and Hinata shut up, clutching his head in pain. He scowled at Kageyama and started reaching for him, ready to take him down.

Kageyama backed away with his hands in the air and said, “Yachi, did you or Kiyoko get a letter?” 

Yachi reached into her pocket and held a letter out. “I was waiting for the whole team to get here before I opened it. How did you know I had one?” 

Hinata jumped up, glowing. He took a deep breath before saying, “Kenma said there was a super elite training camp coming up and that Nekoma had gotten an invitation and we wanted to know if we had gotten an invitation! Hurry up and open the letter!” 

Yachi opened the letter, our eyes latched onto hers as she scanned the page. She smiled and looked up. “We’ve been invited to the national high school training camp!” I looked up at the ceiling and rolled my eyes as Hinata and Nishinoya started flying through the air. 

Yamaguchi turned to me. “Doesn’t this sound exciting Tsukki?” 

I looked down at him, “Not really, no.” Yamaguchi glared at me and walked over to Yachi, reading the letter over her shoulder. 

He stared open-mouthed at the letter. “Guys! Only a few teams out of the whole country were invited! Looks like we’ve played against the majority of them as well.”

At this point, Tanaka had taken his shirt off and was swinging it around, Nishinoya was jumping all over Asahi screaming, and Asahi looked terrified as usual. Kageyama was silently screaming and most everyone else was jumping up and down. Suga and Daichi were trying, and failing, to create some semblance of order in the chaos that was our gym. In the chaos, I slipped out of the gym and headed home. 

“I'm home!” I said as I walked through the front door, slipping my shoes off. 

“Welcome home, Kei! Tadashi told me about the training camp! You excited?” My older brother ruffled my hair. 

“Wait, Yamaguchi told you? He's still at the gym isn’t he?” I asked, confused. 

Yamaguchi rounded the corner. “Nope. I saw you leave so I grabbed my bike and took a different path to your house so I’d beat you and you wouldn’t see me.”

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, and started laughing. A genuine laugh, not a trademark sarcastic Tsukishima laugh. Yamaguchi stared at me before bursting out laughing. My brother shook his head before turning to walk into the kitchen. 

Still laughing, we stumbled into my room and fell onto my bed. Yamaguchi turned to me and said, “Kei. It's been a long time since you’ve laughed like that. Has something been bothering you?” I turned to him, and sighed. 

“Tadashi, if I’m being honest with you, I have no idea. So much has happened recently, with us beating Shiratorizawa, going to training camps with the other schools, and people like Kuroo and Akaashi and Bokuto actually trying to be my friends. It’s all just so much new stuff all at once.” 

He smiled and said, “So you’re freaking out 'cause suddenly you have friends?” I frowned. He laughed again and said, “You should hang out with them more! Don’t be so distant! Include yourself in the conversation. Don’t be so rude to our team, especially Kageyama and Hinata. But don’t be suddenly nice, cause Daichi would have a heart attack and Suga couldn’t handle being a single mother. You saw what happened when Tanaka ran into him during the tournament. Start slow, but be nicer, and maybe you won’t be so surprised when people are your friends.” I stared at him in shock and burst out laughing. He started laughing too and when we finally calmed down, sleep was already tugging at the edges of our consciousness. Before long, we were both asleep, legs tangled together.

“Get up lovebirds! You’re gonna be late for schoooool!” Yamaguchi bolted up, beet red and stammering, clumsily pulling his legs out from between mine. He ended up in a heap on the floor, and I turned to my brother and flipped him off. He stood back, faking shock, and stomped out of the room. He shouted over his shoulder, “But seriously you have like, ten minutes to get ready and get to school if you want to practice.” 

I turned to Yamaguchi and said, “Ignore him. He's always an ass.” 

Yamaguchi was still bright red. “Y-yeah! We should hurry. We don’t want to make Daichi mad.” He stuttered. I made a mental note to yell at my brother later. 

We got to school, and ran into the gyms right as practice started. All through practice, Yamaguchi seemed really out of it. He missed every single one of his serves, and he even got hit in the face a couple of times. Daichi pulled him aside, and Yamaguchi started crying. They kept talking for a few more minutes, and I kept glancing over at them, worried about him. Daichi clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. Yamaguchi just nodded and sniffled before grabbing his stuff and leaving. I started to follow, but Daichi stopped me. 

“Tsukishima, leave him. Part of his problem is you. Ask him later if, and _only_ if, he approaches you first. Got it?” I nodded, dumbfounded. I went back to practice and finished up before heading to class. Yamaguchi avoided me all day. I completely forgot the advice he gave me the night before, and was even more rude to everyone, even the teachers. I decided to skip practice and head home early. 

When I got home, I checked for Yamaguchi's shoes, but they weren’t there. I walked into the kitchen and saw my brother. I scowled and walked over to him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have to tease Yamaguchi every time he comes over here? You _know_ we aren’t a thing. He’s not even gay!” Akiteru backed up, his hands in the air. 

“I was just playing around! I didn't mean to hurt anyone’s feelings.” My scowl deepened and I walked out of the kitchen. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket when I entered my room and I quickly answered it, hoping Yamaguchi had finally decided to talk to me. “Hello?”

“What did you do to Yamaguchi.” _Shit._ It was Suga, and he sounded pissed.

“I don't know! Honestly. We were fine last night and this morning, and then when we left he completely ignored me all day!” Suga sighed again, but said nothing. After another minute of silence I brought the phone to my face. He had hung up. I stared at the phone confused and in shock before plugging it in and leaving it at my desk. I flopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling, one hand resting on my forehead. I slid my glasses off my face and placed them on my nightstand and groaned. “Tadashi…what did I do?” 

“More like what _didn’t_ you do?” My brother responded. 

I shot up. “Aki! Knock first! You always—” I paused. “What do you mean?”

Akiteru pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Kei, Tadashi is head over heels for you, and you stomp all over him.” He pushed off of the doorway he had been leaning against and walked out, closing the door behind him. 

I jumped out of bed and yanked my glasses off of the dresser, running after him and sliding across our floor. “You can’t just say that and then leave!” I slammed into the wall and winced, sliding my glasses onto my face.

Akiteru chuckled. “I just did. Plus, there’s nothing else for me to say. I've said my lines, acted my part, end scene.”

I scowled. “Explain.” 

Akiteru wagged his finger in my face. “Don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you haven’t figured it out by now, he deserves someone better. Someone who actually pays attention to him.”

I took a step back, shocked by how defensive my brother had become of Yamaguchi. My curiosity got the better of me. “Figured what out?”

“I already told you. I'm not gonna tell you more, ‘cause if you don’t already know, then you don’t deserve to know.”

“Why do you have to be so stubborn? Head over—” I stopped. “Oh. Oh _shit._ ” 

Akiteru smiled weakly. “‘Oh shit’ indeed.”

“He…no. There’s no way. Why wouldn’t he tell me? He would have told me. There’s no way you’re right.” 

Aki shrugged. “I don't know what’s going on in that pretty little noggin of his, so you’re gonna have to ask him.” 

I took a few stumbling steps back before grabbing my shoes and running out the door. With Daichi’s warning ringing in my head, it took every ounce of strength I had to stay away from Yamaguchi's house. 

I wound up at a house, panting. I couldn’t remember whose house it was, but I knew someone from the team lived there. I slowly approached the door and knocked tentatively. A woman with piercing deep blue eyes that seemed very familiar to me opened the door. 

“Hello?” She asked. 

“Um…I…” The place I had seen those eyes before clicked. “Is this the Kageyama’s residence?” I responded. 

She smiled. “Yes. Are you a friend of Tobio's?”

I shrugged a bit. “We’re teammates.” 

Kageyama stepped into the hallway wearing a shirt at least two sizes too big. “Oi, Tsukishima. What’re you doing at my house this late?”

I flushed. “Ah…I'm…”

“Whatever. Get in here.” He stalked forward and grabbed my arm, yanking me inside. His mother stuttered a bit before Kageyama said, “We’ll be fast, Mom. Tsukishima just needs to tell me something real quick.” 

She frowned a bit before nodding. “Alright, just keep it down. It’s really late.”

We both nodded and I bowed slightly before being led to Kageyama’s room. He pushed me down onto the bed and stood in front of me. “Spill.” He demanded.

I just frowned a bit and avoided his gaze.

“Tsukishima. You showed up at my house at 11:30, and you and Yamaguchi have been weird all day. Something is very obviously up. Even Hinata and I noticed it.”

I smiled a bit. That _was_ shocking. “Don’t really feel like telling you, _Baka_ yama.”

He grabbed the front of my shirt, bunching it in his hand, and pulled me off the bed slightly to bring us to eye level. “You don’t get to waltz into my house at nearly midnight, clearly upset, and then call me stupid.” He kept getting closer and closer to my face until his forehead was pressed against mine, and my glasses were smashed painfully against my face. He was furious, and truth be told, I was a little scared. I pushed his shoulders in an attempt to get him away from me, but nothing happened. He may _look_ like a twig, but he’s pure muscle. I laughed nervously, trying to pull myself out of his grip, but he just followed, making us fall backwards onto the bed. He was hovering over me, and I just stared at him, blushing furiously. He scoffed and moved, sitting on the bed next to me. “What’d you do to Yamaguchi, Tsukishima?” He said softly.

We sat in silence, with him staring expectantly all the while. When I finally responded, voice trembling and tears falling down my cheeks, he froze. “I fucked up, Kageyama. I fucked up real bad.”

He lifted a hand and then dropped it, unsure of what to do. “Tsukishima…I…” He cleared his throat. “Dude, whatever happened is seriously messing with the two of you. I get it if you don’t want to tell me, but you’ve gotta tell someone. I—” He broke off before muttering, “God, I can’t believe I’m about to say this.” He spun around to look at me, intensity blazing in his eyes. “I care about you guys a lot. After what happened on my junior high team, I get scared that it’s gonna happen again. But you guys, everyone on the team, you all make me feel _safe_. If something’s going on with you and Yamaguchi, I wanna help.” Tears were starting to fall down his face, too. 

I laughed a bit, “We’re a goddamn mess, Kageyama.”

He pulled me into a hug, and we cried into each other's shoulders. Someone knocked on the door, and we sprung apart, furiously scrubbing at our faces. Kageyama’s mom smiled softly and said, “I called your place, Tsukishima, and they said it would be alright if you wanted to stay the night.”

I bit my lip, more tears threatening to fall. I couldn’t say anything, so I just nodded and hoped she could see the gratitude in my eyes. She smiled again, and closed the door. Kageyama stood and pulled a futon out of the closet, and tossed a pillow and a few blankets onto it. I patted my pockets, looking for my phone, before remembering I had left it in my room. I'd have to get it in the morning.

“Do you wanna watch the Shiratorizawa game?” He asked.

I looked up at him from my spot on his bed. “Is that seriously what you do for fun?

“What? I like volleyball.”

“I do too, genius, but I don’t spend every waking minute obsessing over it.” I smirked. This was more like it. Let us bicker again, move on from the pain and sadness. We could talk about that later. Right now, we both needed a distraction, and I would have to settle for watching our game against Shiratorizawa with the boy whose house I had run to when I had nowhere else to go, the boy who had eyes that contained secrets that were too dark to promise swift recovery.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO GO THIS WAY BUT IT DID ANYWAYS I APOLOGIZE
> 
> anYWAYS!!! this is the second story i've ever published, so if you have any suggestions or you see anything that needs editing, let me know! thanks for reading!
> 
> (also, this may or may not actually get more chapters, depending on my motivation level. i have about 23 other works and all of them are completely unfinished, so i just add to them here and there. if you want a second chapter, yell at me in the comments, and i'll get around to it as soon as possible :P)


	2. Of Nightmares and Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima has a nightmare, and a goddamn angel rescues him.

A person’s eyes can tell you a lot about them. Kageyama, for example, had vibrant blue eyes that almost always showcased his current emotion unless he worked to hide it. His eyes were the blue of the deep ocean where creatures of darkness swam, just out of view. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little afraid of what secrets he was hiding. I shook my head. I needed to sleep. I stood up and walked over to the futon. I looked over at Kageyama before dropping face first onto the makeshift bed. “Ouch.” I had forgotten to take my glasses off. I rolled over, wearing a pair of too short shorts and a shirt that Kageyama had managed to dig up that miraculously fit me. Kageyama glanced in my direction before gluing his eyes back onto the screen.

“Night, Tsukishima.” He mumbled, voice muffled by the pillow resting on his knees.

“Night.” I put my glasses on the floor near me, making a mental note of where they were so there wouldn’t be much blind fumbling in the morning. I stared at the wall across from me, the faint sounds of the game reaching my ears, all whistles blowing and sneakers squeaking. I felt nauseous. I missed Tadashi. Did I even deserve to call him by his given name? I claimed to be his best friend, but I hadn’t noticed something so important even though it was shoved in my face over and over again. Had I noticed it? Had I just ignored it, thinking it was too good to be true? I connected his freckles in my mind, making new constellations on the map of the sky that was his face. I soon fell into a restless sleep, keenly aware of the person that was no longer laying next to me, laughter turning his cheeks pink. I finally drifted into sleep, unaware of what would be waiting for me.

I was standing on a volleyball court. There was nothing but me, the net, and darkness. I tried to step forward, but I couldn’t move. I scanned my surroundings, my eyes the only part of my body willing to move.

“Tsukki!” A splash of gold light rippled through the darkness, illuminating something—no, some _one_ —behind me. Yamaguchi jogged into my limited field of vision, wearing his Karasuno jersey. I tried to reach for him, but my limbs refused to comply once again. My legs were shaking from the strain of trying to break free of whatever was holding me in place. He walked up to me and reached a hand to my face, but hesitated before he made contact. He decided against it and dropped his hand onto my shoulder, squeezing gently. “Kei, I need to tell you something.” I opened my mouth in an attempt to let him know he could continue, but no sound passed my lips. I nodded, hoping that through that one simple act, he knew I was listening, waiting.

He took a deep breath and took his hand off of my shoulder. “Kei, I think I’m in love with you.” My eyes went wide and my jaw dropped slightly. Akiteru hadn’t been lying. Yamaguchi was watching me, calculating my reaction. His eyes—oh, his _eyes_ , his beautiful melted chocolate eyes—were shining with tears as he waited for my response. I flinched as much as my frozen body would let me. He was crying. _Shit._ I tried to reach for him, but I felt chained to the ground. _Let me go!_ I silently shouted, hoping whatever mysterious force was keeping me here would show a bit of kindness and let me run to Tadashi. 

“You’re not gonna say anything?” He had a broken smile on his face, tears staining the constellations I had drawn in my mind. His voice was shaking and his hands were trembling, and his eyes were drowning me in his sorrow. 

_No, no, no, no, no! I have to say something! Please! Please! Let me speak!_ I pleaded with the unseen evil keeping me from him, but nothing happened. Tears were dripping off my chin, and Yamaguchi just shook his head and wiped his face with his arm. He turned around and started to walk away from me, taking his beautiful golden warmth with him. The rest of the team stepped out of the shadows, following him, whispering words of comfort to him and hurling insults at me.

“Asshole,” Tanaka spat.

“Coward.” Daichi looked at me and shook his head in disappointment.

“Why’s he on the team? It's not like he’s a team player or anything,” Hinata scowled at me.

Nishinoya nodded. “He’s got nothin’ but height.” Asahi just looked over at me and frowned.

I flinched as a shock of silver hair flew up into my face. Suga jabbed his finger into my chest and hissed, “No one hurts the members of our team. _No one_.” He backed off and jogged over to Yamaguchi, putting a reassuring hand on his back and whispering to him.

I know. How could I not? I built walls to protect myself, distanced myself from everything so I wouldn’t get hurt. I _was_ a coward. I _was_ an asshole. I wasn’t much of a team player, and I really only had my height that gave me an advantage over the other players. I didn’t deserve anything but their hate. I would take it, and I wouldn’t show how much it hurt me. Stone cold. That’s what I had to be.

I was still frozen in place, unable to move. The court was gone now, and all I could see was the backs of my team fading into the darkness with only Yamaguchi’s soft golden light dimming as sobs wracked his body. I wanted to run after them, wanted to beg them to stay, beg for their forgiveness. I wanted to scream, to cry, to feel _something_ other than this biting chill in my stomach. Something pulled at my hair slightly, causing my train of thought to screech to a halt, sparks flying off the rails. What the hell? The gentle tugging continued, and I heard something in the distance. A voice? Was someone… singing? I strained to make out the words. 

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise._

The darkness around me was lifting as the voice continued to sing. I listened, enraptured.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free._

I sat up, gasping. I winced as something pulled my hair sharply.

“Ah, sorry.” Kageyama apologized, gently pulling his fingers out of my hair. I squinted at him, disoriented. I turned around and felt the ground for my glasses. I slid them onto my face, still breathing heavily. Kageyama was sitting cross-legged on the ground next to the futon, watching me worriedly.

“I…” I broke off, the dream coming back to me in harsh shades of black and bright gold. I pulled my knees up to my chest with trembling hands and rested my chin on them. We sat in silence for a while before I spoke up. “Was that you singing?”

Kageyama nodded. “I used to get nightmares a lot, and my mom would run her fingers through my hair and sing that song to help me calm down, so I figured I’d do the same with you,” He mumbled, clearly embarrassed. 

I stared at the blankets below me, unsure of what to say. “Thanks.” My voice was muffled by my knees. He took a breath and hesitated. I turned my head to look at him. “What?”

He blew out a puff of air and asked, “Wanna talk about it?” I opened my mouth to decline when I realized that he hadn’t been in the dream until he started singing. I turned my head back so I was staring down at my feet. What did it mean? Had my subconscious just forgotten to put him in? I would have thought he would have been cursing me with the rest of the team, but he hadn’t been there. The King of the Court hadn’t been in his domain. I smirked a bit but it quickly fell from my face as I realized he was still waiting for me to answer. I tipped my head back, moving only my eyes to watch him.

“I was on a volleyball court alone. Yamaguchi showed up and said he—” I broke off. I couldn’t say what Yamaguchi had told me. “He was talking to me. I couldn’t move or speak, and eventually he walked away. That’s when the rest of the team showed up and started insulting me. They all walked away and I was alone again. Then you started singing, and I woke up.”

Kageyama frowned. “What did I say to you?”

“Huh?”

“When the team was insulting you. What did I say?”

“You didn’t. Insult me, that is. You weren’t even there until your disembodied voice started singing to me from the heavens like you were a goddamn angel.”

“An angel, huh? Am I really that good?” He smirked at me and I scowled back. He _was_ good, but I wasn’t going to admit it.

“You play an instrument?” I asked.

“Nah. Never had time to learn one, with volleyball being, like, my thing y’know?”

“Fuckin’ loser.” I muttered. “You can’t just have one thing you do.”

He shrugged. “You know what they say, ‘Jack of all trades, master of none.’”

“‘But oftentimes better than master of one,’” I retorted. “At least finish the whole saying.”

“Smartass.” He paused. “D’you? Play an instrument?”

I scoffed. He waited.

“Fine. Yes, I play an instrument.”

He gestured as if saying, _Go on?_

“Guitar. And I’m learning piano, ‘cause Tadashi plays and he finally convinced me to try it.”

“We could have a proper band, the three of us.” He grinned.

“Ah yes, the perfect band. A shitty singer, a decent guitar player, and an amazing pianist. What would we sing, love songs about volleyball?”

He brought a hand to his chin, contemplating my suggestion. “Not bad, Tsukishima! We could sing about the way the court squeaks when you run across it and—” He broke off, laughing. “God, your face was priceless. I’m kidding. That would be stupid.”

I glared at him. “I almost regretted telling you that we play instruments.”

He winked, “Almost? So our band still has a chance?”

I laughed. “God, no.”

He smiled before glancing at the TV. “Are you tired?”

I sighed. I didn’t want to fall asleep again, not with hate-filled faces still fresh in my mind. “Not really, you?”

“Nah.” He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

“Oho! So he _does_ have interests outside volleyball!”

Kageyama threw the remote at me and I flung my hands up in front of my face to protect myself. I picked it up from my lap where it had landed and tossed it back to him. Without thinking, he tried to set it. It flipped off his thumb and clattered across the floor, coming to a stop by his door. We stared at it. I slowly turned to him and said, “Did you just try to _set_ the fucking _remote_?”

He looked at me and whispered. “Not a word, Tsukishima. Not a word.”

“Yeah, right! You tried to set the remote! I’m telling everyone that you’ll set anything that comes flying towards you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”  
  
“Oh, _try_ me.” I drawled, and I doubled over with laughter as he stood to get the remote. This was nice. It was also the second time that night that Kageyama had provided me with a much-needed distraction. How many more times would he save me from myself? He poked me with his foot and I snapped back to the present. 

“I said, do you have a specific episode you want to start on, or…” He walked to his bed and sat down.

I looked at the screen to see what show he had selected and shrugged. “Never seen it, so I couldn’t say.”

He stared at me, open-mouthed. “Never _seen it?_ Brooklyn Nine-Nine is easily the greatest show of our generation!”

I shrugged again. “Prove it.”

“Challenge accepted.” He hit play, and we watched all of season one. Kageyama watched my face, gauging my reactions the entire time.

“So?” He asked when the credits of the last episode started to roll.

“It was decent, I guess.”

He threw his hands up, exasperated. I chuckled as he hit play on season two. “I’m gonna make you love this show, Tsukishima.”

“Knock yourself out.”

Though I would never tell him, it was pretty damn good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is coming out a lot later than i had planned, but the next chapter is well under way, so hopefully the wait between chapters won't be as long this time! also, thanks for almost 150 hits! i really appreciate you guys taking the time to read what i've written. special thanks to my friend scotchtape for reading through my rough drafts and helping me edit :) as always, if you see something that needs fixing or you want a chapter out sooner yell at me in the comments! see you all next chapter! (the song i had kags sing in this chapter is blackbird by the beatles if you want to check it out)


	3. Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima realizes he may have more friends than he thought he did.

A faint beeping that steadily grew in volume until it was unbearably loud permeated the haze of sleep wrapped around my consciousness. I sat up groggily and rubbed my eyes before reaching for my glasses. Kageyama rolled over on his bed to silence the incessant beeping coming from his alarm clock, his arm flopping down onto the bed as he groaned.

“It’s too early…” he mumbled. I stood and stretched before turning to fold the blankets on the futon. I stacked them in the corner, placing the pillow on top. I heaved the futon up and folded it, sliding it into the closet Kageyama had procured it from the night before. I paused before closing the closet, one hand resting on the handle.

“Hey, Kageyama?”

He hummed in response, too tired to actually speak up.

“Why d’you have a futon in your room and not in a closet in the hallway or something?” When he didn’t respond, I looked over to see if he had fallen back asleep. He was staring at the ceiling, his eyes a gallery of pain and confusion.

“Kageyama?” I’d messed up. I’d gone too far. I’d asked a stupid question. I—

“Dude, calm down.” Kageyama mumbled. “‘s not your fault. Sho—” He broke off, clearing his throat. “Hinata used to come over, like, a lot. He’d spend the night here more often than not. He hasn’t come over in about three weeks now.”

I chewed on my lip, thinking. “Is that why your quicks have been off? Are you guys arguing?” I wanted to ask why he’d almost called Hinata by his given name, but I felt that was pushing the unspoken boundaries that were confining his secrets.

“No.” He paused. “I don’t think so? He just stopped coming over out of the blue, and he’s been acting weird around me ever since.”

I stifled a laugh. Good to know I wasn’t the only oblivious member of the team. He squinted at me. “What?” He asked gruffly.

“Nothing,” I couldn’t hold the laughter in anymore. He continued to glare at me until I composed myself enough to continue. “Just thinking that you should talk to him.”

“‘Bout what?”

“Hell if I know.” I did know, but I wasn’t about to give advice about love. “But whatever is messing with him is messing with you, and it’s gonna mess with the whole team if you don’t deal with it soon.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” he muttered.

I flinched and he flushed, sitting up. “God, that was a dick move. I’m sorry, Tsukishima.”

“No, you’re right.” Didn’t mean it hurt any less, though. We sat in uncomfortable silence until someone knocked on the door.

“Come in,” Kageyama called, glad for a reprieve from the stifling quiet.

His mom slid the door open. “Morning,” she greeted. “Practice doesn’t start for a while, but Tsukishima is going to have to go back to his house to get his things. Do you boys want breakfast before he leaves?”

I shook my head. “No, thank you. You’ve done enough for me.”

She smiled softly, looking at me with what almost looked like pity. “You’re always welcome here, Tsukishima. You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“I’m sure.” She nodded and closed the door. Kageyama was already moving around the room, changing as he went. “Have you no decency?” I snarked. He looked up, halfway through pulling his pants on.

“What? We change in front of each other all the time in the club room,” he said, unsure of what he had done wrong. I rolled my eyes and grabbed my clothes from the day before from where they were bundled up on the floor and started changing.

“Have you no decency?” He sniped. I yanked my shirt over my head and glared at him. He just smiled and continued gathering his school supplies. Grabbing a paper from the floor, he asked, “Are you excited for the training camp?”

I shrugged, reaching for the volleyball on Kageyama’s shelf. “I’m not dreading it, but I’m not looking forward to seeing a certain Nekoma third year.”

Kageyama laughed. “You know you love him, Tsukishima.”

I squinted at him. “Kuroo forces me to play volleyball with him after we’ve already played for hours. It’s tiring.”

“If you really didn’t like him, you would leave, wouldn’t you?”

I paused. “Maybe.”

“Don’t ‘maybe’ me, you little shit!”

“Little? Pretty sure I tower over you.”

“Irrelevant. If you didn’t like it, you would leave. That’s the kind of person you are.”

I stopped messing with the volleyball I had in my hands and frowned down at it.

He snorted. “Did you seriously not realize that you actually enjoyed spending time with Kuroo?”

I glared at him over the top of my glasses, still frowning.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe this. You’re supposed to be the smart one!”

I threw the volleyball at his chest and he caught it easily, quickly switching to setting it while continuing the conversation.

“I think you enjoy other people’s company more than you realize, Tsukishima. For some reason, though, you only ever say you’re friends with Yamaguchi.”

I shrugged, ignoring the sharp pain I felt at hearing his name. “I can be a prick sometimes. I don’t want to assume that people want to be my friend and include them in a list when they actually hate me.”

“Would you put me on that list?”

I glanced at him before looking back down at my hands. “Would you want to be on that list?”

He threw the volleyball at my head and it bounced onto the floor. I rubbed the side of my head and looked at him in surprise.

“Of course I would, dumbass! Why else would I have let you stay the night? I don’t let just anyone do that.”

I refrained from mentioning that he had let Hinata stay the night, and managed a small smile. “Friends?”

He smiled back and reached for my hand, shaking it as if sealing a deal. “Friends. Now you should probably head home and get ready for practice.”

I let a breath out through my nose, and made my way to the door. Kageyama trailed me to the front door, and I stepped outside, squinting in the early morning light. I turned back to him and managed a small “Goodbye.” before my voice gave out.

“Hey man, you good?” He questioned, his swimming pool eyes giving away his worry for me.

I cleared my throat before mumbling, “Aki’s gonna be a bitch.”

He frowned a bit. “Aki?”

“Akiteru. My older brother. He’s the one who—“ I broke off, not ready to tell Kageyama the reason I had fallen apart last night. “He’s gonna wonder why I stayed the night here.” The lie fell easily from my lips, and a stab of guilt wrenched through me.

“Oh. If he gives you trouble, let me know. I’ll rough him up a bit.” He raised his fists as he said this, shaking them slightly and wearing a shit eating grin.

I smiled a bit. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to take him.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet, Tsukishima!” Kageyama paused. “I’ll see you at practice, okay?”

I nodded and shoved my hands in my pockets. “See you then.”

He started to close the door but hesitated. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but shook his head and closed the door the rest of the way, leaving me on the porch alone with my thoughts. I slowly made my way home, trying to figure out a way to get inside without talking to anyone.

When I opened the front door, three different voices started yelling at me. My hands flew to my ears, the sudden noise too much strain added to my already churning mind. “Stop!” I shouted back, and thankfully the voices obeyed. I slowly lowered my hands and raised my head, surprised to see Daichi and Suga standing next to Akiteru.

Daichi broke the silence first, clearing his throat. “Sorry. We were worried about you.”

I scoffed and looked away. From the corner of my eye I saw Suga reach out as if to touch my shoulder, but his arm hesitated and dropped back to his side. My brow furrowed as what Daichi had said finally sunk in. “Wait—why were you worried?”

Akiteru threw his hands in the air in exasperation. “Why were we worried? You were gone all night!”

I frowned. “Kageyama’s mom said she called mom—oh. Did she have a bad day?”

Daichi and Suga looked between Akiteru and I in confusion. Aki sighed and looked at his feet, confirming my suspicions. I started chewing on my lip and asked, “I thought she said she was seeing someone about it.”

“She did. And she was seeing someone about it, but obviously it didn’t help.”

Daichi and Suga seemed to realize they weren’t welcome in this conversation, and they wandered into the kitchen down the hallway.

“How much did she have to drink?” I asked once I was sure they were out of earshot.

“Too much. She can kiss her hopes for ever being sober goodbye. I don’t think she’s going to try and get clean again.”

I tapped my fingers against my leg, still chewing the inside of my lip and glanced nervously towards her bedroom door. Akiteru noticed and reassured me, “She’s out cold. She probably won’t be coherent until you get home from school.” I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding and ran a shaky hand through my hair. Akiteru smiled weakly at me, before gesturing to the kitchen. “You wanna…” He trailed off, but I nodded.

We walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, joining Daichi and Suga. I cleared my throat and started to talk before realizing I could taste something coppery. “Shit.” I’d been chewing on my lip so much that it had started bleeding. I brought a hand to my mouth, reaching for a napkin.

Suga looked worriedly at my mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I answered absently. “Bad habit.” I pressed the napkin against my lip after wetting it in Akiteru’s glass of water.

“Hey!” He protested.

I shrugged. “Clean napkin.”

“Still gross.”

“Back to where you were last night?” Daichi pressed.

“I was at—wait why are you guys here?”

Daichi squinted, probably trying to decide if I was avoiding answering his question but finally gave in. “Akiteru called Ukai when he couldn’t find you, but he was busy so he asked Suga and I to drop by this morning and check up with you. You mentioned something about Kageyama’s mom?”

I took the napkin away from my lip and studied it, avoiding the three pairs of eyes staring me down. Suga coughed slightly, prompting me to continue.

“Yeah. I was at Kageyama’s. His mom called my mom and told her that I would be staying the night. I left my phone at home, otherwise I would have texted you.” I explained, addressing Aki for the last sentence.

The three of them nodded, and Daichi studied me, maybe checking for injuries or signs that I was lying.

Aki awkwardly patted my arm and whispered, “I’m glad you’re okay, Kei.” He continued in a normal voice, “But don’t pull a stupid stunt like that again, you hear me?”

I nodded, smiling a bit. “Yes sir.”

“You’re free to go, soldier.”

I saluted him and waved slightly at Daichi and Suga before walking into my room. I sat on my bed and put my head in my hands. I took a few deep breaths and straightened up. I grabbed my phone and my breath caught in my throat. 20 missed calls and about 50 messages each from Ukai, Aki, Suga, and Daichi. I set my phone down, not ready to face the real world. My alarm started ringing and I groaned, remembering that I had to get to practice. I grabbed my gym clothes from my drawer and shoved them in my messenger bag before throwing on a uniform from my floor, making a mental note to clean my room when I got home.

I slid my door open and quietly crept past my mother’s room, not completely trusting Akiteru’s earlier statement. I shoved my feet into my shoes and opened the front door, freezing when I saw Daichi and Suga sitting on the porch quietly conversing about something. I heard Suga whisper something about Yamaguchi before he noticed me and abruptly stopped. Daichi stood and offered Suga his hand, pulling him up before clapping his hands together. “We should probably get going. It would look bad if the captain and vice captain were both late to practice.”

I stuttered before finally choking out, “You waited for me?”

Suga tapped my arm and smiled. “Friends walk each other to school after shouting at them.”

“Friends?”

“Yeah, friends.”

I looked down at my shoes and smiled a bit, quickly wiping it off my face when I realized Daichi was watching me.

“Practice!” I nearly shouted. Anything to get his dark coffee eyes that were constantly analyzing away from me.

Suga nodded once, sharply, as if that settled the matter. “To practice!” He pointed to the sky like a superhero, his wide smile not quite reaching his soft brown eyes that were a touch too sad. He must have known I was about to ask him if he was okay, because he gave me an infinitesimal shake of the head that very clearly said “Not now.”

We walked towards school in silence until Suga dropped a bombshell. “Have you spoken to Yamaguchi?”

“I—uh, Daichi said—“ Suga stopped me by raising his hand. He glared at Daichi and gestured towards him, silently asking him to explain himself.

Daichi flushed. “Well—um, you see…” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Yamaguchi was stressed and freaked out, and we both agreed that seeing Tsukishima would make it worse, so I asked him to leave Yamaguchi alone until he approached him.”

Suga looked dumbfounded. “You what?” He didn’t raise his voice, but his quiet anger spoke volumes. Daichi swallowed, and I glanced nervously between the two of them. Suga templed his hands in front of his face and slowly released a breath. “Do you know what would have happened if I had waited until you approached me to figure out what we had between us?” He seemed to have forgotten that I was there, but Daichi hadn’t.

Daichi looked over at me nervously. “Suga, I—“

“I’m not finished. Nothing. That’s what would have happened. I probably would have quit volleyball, and we probably wouldn’t even be friends, much less be dating.”

“Suga!” Daichi gestured at me and my wide eyes.

“Daichi, I could care less that he knows! He needs our help, because we’ve been exactly where he and Tadashi have been.” He glanced over at me. “I do expect you to keep this between the three of us.” I nodded quickly.

Suga placed two fingers on his wrist, almost like he was checking his pulse. He didn’t seem to be aware that he was doing it. “Tsukishima…” He paused, and seemed to reconsider. “Kei, talk to Yamaguchi. About anything. Don’t let yourself drift away from him. He needs you now more than ever, whether or not he realizes it. You need him too, and right now, if you leave him alone, you will lose your best friend.”

I slid my hands under my glasses and pressed on my eyes, trying to force my tears back. I choked back a sob, but the next one ripped itself from my throat. Suga wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tighter than I had ever been hugged before. Daichi squeezed my shoulder reassuringly before tapping Suga’s shoulder and then his sports watch when he was sure Suga was looking.

Suga pulled away from me, and I scrubbed furiously at my eyes, blinking up at the sky. “We’re gonna be late.” Daichi stated.

“Worried Coach will write you up?” I retorted, but with tears running down my face and my voice shaking slightly, there was no venom behind it.

Daichi shook his head sadly. “No, I’m worried about you. What I meant was, we’re going to be late, so what’s it if we’re five more minutes late? Do you need anything, Tsukishima? And I mean anything.”

“I—“ I broke off, chewing my lip. “Can we keep this between us for now?” I mumbled.

Suga nodded. “Of course.” He grabbed my hands and pulled them up between us. “If you ever need to talk, come and find me.”

I nodded, tears threatening to fall once more.

Daichi smiled. “That’s what friends are for.”

I smiled back softly. Friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SO SORRY THAT THIS IS SO LATE ;-;
> 
> the next chapter will hopefully not take four months to get out, plus i can get scotchtape to yell at me to get shit done ;)
> 
> also, thank you so much for 500 hits!


	4. Scraped Palms and Stick Figures

I sat down on a bench and drained my water bottle. You’d think that after our little heart to heart, Daichi would cut me some slack during practice, but he did the complete opposite. 

“Hey, Tsukishima! Get back on the court! I want you to practice spiking with Suga as your setter.” Daichi yelled from the other side of the gym. I groaned and slowly stood up. I glanced over at the other bench and tried to catch Yamaguchi’s attention, but he looked pointedly at the floor. I frowned, but jogged onto the court before Daichi could concoct some other form of torture for me. 

I lifted the net so I could duck under it, stepping into position. Suga smiled apologetically and spun the volleyball he was holding. As I settled in, he tossed me the ball. I caught it and took a breath. I threw the ball back to him, then swung my arms back and began my approach. I watched as Suga set the ball with the gentle ferocity that only he could muster. The ball reached its peak just as I reached mine, and I slammed my hand into the ball. It flew down past the net, and Nishinoya rolled forward to receive it. It bounced perfectly off of his forearms, and he frowned slightly before giving me a thumbs up and widening his stance. 

“Oi, Tsukishima! That was one hell of a spike! Do that more often, you lazy piece of shit!” He grinned and ran off to talk to Tanaka. 

Suga glanced worriedly at me and reached out to tap my shoulder. He opened his mouth to say something, but just then the door to the gym slammed open. 

“Alright! Everyone come over here, we need to talk about the training camp!” Coach Ukai yelled. 

Suga and I walked over to where Coach was standing, and I sank to the ground, glad to have an excuse to sit.

“The training camp officially starts on Saturday and ends on Monday. We’re leaving tomorrow, Friday, so that you all aren’t exhausted from traveling during camp, and then we’ll be coming back home Monday evening after the camp ends. 

“It’s about a five hour drive, but we’re going to be leaving around seven in the morning just so we can get to where we’re staying and get settled. We’ll also be taking a short tour of the facility where the camp will be held.” Ukai announced. 

“It’s not going to be at one of the schools in Tokyo?” Hinata asked, face slightly flushed from practice. 

“Construction on a new training facility was just finished, which is why we’re holding this camp. Sort of an initiation for the facility.”

“Cool!” Hinata exclaimed, and I could have sworn that literally sparkles flew from around him. 

The door slid open and Takeda walked in. Ukai turned to see who it was, and he smiled brightly. I snickered, and Nishinoya looked at me questioningly. I shrugged at him, smiling impishly. He rolled his eyes and turned away from me. 

“Sorry I’m late!” Takeda looked flustered. “I was just checking in with all of your teachers and making sure you were all passing.”

Hinata, Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Kageyama all froze, and turned to face Takeda. You could almost hear their joints grinding as if they were stone gears. Takeda laughed at their expressions. 

“You’re all passing. I went ahead and excused your upcoming absences for the training camp if you turned in your permission slip already.”

Hinata jumped up. “Ah! It’s in my bag!” 

Suga smiled sheepishly. “Mine’s also in my bag.”

“Suga!” Ennoshita gasped dramatically. “If our own mother can’t turn a slip in, how could the rest of us even hope to remember?”

Suga stood up slowly and smiled at Ennoshita, but everyone shivered at the malice oozing out from him. It was terrifying how pure he could look when he actually felt like murdering someone. 

Ennoshita put his hands up in surrender and spun away from Suga. 

“Hinata, come get your permission slip with me.” Suga called, and Hinata jogged over. “Anybody else need to grab their papers?” Suga asked, looking over his shoulder. 

Everyone shook their heads, and Suga and Hinata left to go to the club room. 

“Okay!” Ukai clapped his hands together to get our attention. “When are we leaving?”

The remaining players all answered, “Friday at seven.”

“Which means you should be at the school at…”

There was silence. Tanaka groaned and said, “6:45?”

Ukai smiled cruelly. “Nope. I want you here at 6:15.”

Tanaka groaned even louder and fell back onto the floor. Nishinoya flopped onto Tanaka’s stomach and whined, causing Tanaka to let out a loud “Oof!” 

“Why so early?” Kageyama asked. 

“Knowing you lot, if I say 6:15 you’ll show up between 6:30 and 6:45. Even if you show up on time, leaving earlier will only help us.”

Kageyama pursed his lips. “You have a point.”

“Of course I do.” Ukai checked his watch. “Alright, go get changed for school.”

I sighed in relief. Daichi gave me a look that let me know I wasn’t off the hook for practicing spikes with Suga, and I winced. I was going to be sore tomorrow. 

I slowly stood up and started walking to the club room when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned, and Ennoshita smiled at me. 

“You ok? You seem a bit more unapproachable than usual.” He laughed softly. 

I blinked at him, but quickly recovered. “Yeah. Just tired.”

He frowned slightly and said, “If you ever need anything, know that us upperclassmen are willing to help, ‘kay?”

I nodded, and he pulled away from me, jogging up the stairs to the club room. 

I slid my glasses off of my face and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had to get a hold of myself. Distracting the team by making them worry about me was a sure-fire way to ruin the camp.

I had trouble focusing the rest of the day, and nearly ate shit during afternoon practice. 

“Woah, you okay?” Suga asked, lifting the net up so he could walk over to me. I grimaced, rubbing my red and stinging palm. He helped me to my feet, careful of my injured hand. “You should go get that cleaned up.”

“I’ll take him,” Asahi said, having appeared out of nowhere, making Suga jump in surprise. 

“Jesus!” He exclaimed. 

“No, but I do get told we look quite similar.” Asahi chuckled. 

Nishinoya ran over, having just executed a perfect rolling dive as per usual. “Ow, that looks painful. Is Asahi taking you down to the nurse’s office?” I started to respond, but he didn’t wait for my answer. “I’ll come with. I need to grab some stuff from her for the camp this weekend.” He grabbed me by the shoulders and started steering us towards the door, leaving a baffled Suga behind. 

“Noya, slow down.” Asahi called from behind us. 

Nishinoya immediately stopped and waited for him to catch up. He started babbling about something, and Asahi just smiled and nodded along. I glanced at them curiously before pulling the school doors open. I winced as my palm made contact with the handle, and Asahi reached over to pull the door the rest of the way open. 

“How about I get the doors for now?” He smiled down at me, and I looked away. 

“Hurry up, you two!” Somehow, Nishinoya had gotten about fifty paces in front of us and was now tapping his foot impatiently. 

When we arrived at the nurse’s office, I checked the clock on the wall. Asahi followed my gaze and said, “We’ll just go get changed after this. There isn’t much time left for practice.” Nishinoya clapped his hands together excitedly. 

The nurse stepped out of a small side room. “Oh, Yuu! I have the supplies you asked for.”

Noya smiled widely. “Thanks! Is it just in the closet?” 

“Yes. Careful not to knock the broom over again.” She laughed. 

He scowled and muttered something about that only happening once before walking into a small closet in the back of the room and returning triumphantly with a bag full of sports tape and fabric bandages. 

“Oh, right. Tsukishima here fell over and scraped his hand up pretty good.” Nishinoya said, eyebrows furrowing slightly. 

“I didn’t fall—whatever.” I rolled my eyes. 

“That’s a quick fix,” The nurse smiled at me, turning to grab a cotton ball and antiseptic. She gestured for me to bring my hand up, and she dabbed the soaked cotton ball on my palm with surgical tweezers. I winced as the antiseptic stung my hand, and she smiled sympathetically. 

She grabbed a cotton pad and squeezed some Neosporin onto it, placing it on my hand. Holding it in place, she wrapped gauze around my palm, taping it down. She gently patted my hand and stood up. “You're good to go!”

I stood up as well and bowed slightly. “Thank you.” 

We left the nurse’s office and passed the main staircase. My heart stuttered, and I almost audibly gasped. Asahi noticed me clutching at my chest and stopped. “You okay?”

I let a controlled breath out of my nose. “Yeah. You guys go ahead. I’ve gotta grab something from my teacher before we leave.”

Noya gave me a thumbs up and dragged Asahi away without even questioning me. I looked back at the staircase, and realized why it hurt. There, at the bottom of the banister, was a small doodle of two stick figures. A memory swirled up and grasped my consciousness. 

_“Yamaguchi, you can’t draw on the school staircase!”_

_“Oh, yeah? Watch me!”_

_I laughed, wondering where this rebellious streak had come from. “Fine, but make it small, and don’t make it obviously connected to you.”_

_“Relax! I got this.”_

_He brought the Sharpie to the wall and started drawing. He stopped and turned to me, saying, “Don’t look! I want it to be a surprise.”_

_I rolled my eyes but obediently turned away. I faintly heard Yamaguchi humming a familiar tune, and I joined in, harmonizing._

_After a moment, he stopped. “Done!” He exclaimed proudly._

_“Can I look now?” I asked._

_“If you must,” he replied, daintily waving a hand as if he were giving a peasant permission to approach his finest treasure._

_A smile spread across my face as I realized what the drawing was. It was a small, yet incredibly detailed drawing of two stick figures sitting at a piano, both singing a song._

_“It’s us!” Yamaguchi said with a smile._

_“Obviously,” I chuckled. I paused, thinking. “Well, not obviously, ‘cause that would be bad.”_

_Yamaguchi hit my arm. “No one is gonna recognize that it’s us. Are you living in a false reality where we’re super popular and everyone knows us?”_

I ripped myself from the memory, gasping for air. I pressed my fingertips to my temples, taking a deep breath. I could do this. Just four more days of pain, and by then I would know what to say to him, and it would all be over. I straightened up and headed out to the club room. The gym was empty, and the club room was suspiciously quiet. I slid the door open and froze. 

“What the—no, you know what? I saw that coming. I’m just going to grab my shit and leave.” I walked forward and opened my locker, shoving everything into my bag. “Have a nice time.” I stepped out of the club room and shut the door. 

As I started walking home, I saw the rest of the team gathered under a tree in the courtyard. 

“Tsukishima! Your hand okay? Why’re you still in your gym clothes?” Tanaka called, waving at me. 

I slowly walked up to them, careful not to stand too close to Yamaguchi. “Yeah. Just a little scraped up. And I’m still in my gym clothes ‘cause my water bottle leaked onto my uniform.” I cringed inwardly. I had forgotten to run to the bathroom and change.

“Hey, did you see Asahi and Nishinoya?” Daichi asked. “We were looking for them but we didn’t see them anywhere.”

I stifled a laugh, covering it up by coughing. “Yeah. They’re in the club room.”

“Really?” Suga asked. “Weird. I guess we should have checked there, but we figured they would have left already.”

“Yeah, I think Nishinoya forgot something.” I said, trying to keep a straight face. “Well, I’m gonna head home. I’m exhausted and we’ve got an early morning.”

The team all said goodbye, and I walked home, Yamaguchi’s absence painfully obvious. I quietly opened the front door, and listened for any signs that my mother was home. Hearing nothing, I walked into my bedroom, throwing my bag onto my bed. 

I stepped into the hallway and pulled a suitcase out of the closet. I quietly rolled it into my room, and started shoving my jersey and clothes into it. I just wanted to go to bed, but I had to pack now so I wouldn’t have to get up early. 

As I slid my toothbrush and toothpaste into a Ziploc bag, Akiteru walked by. 

“Oh, hey. Did my signature work fine for your permission form?” He asked. 

“Yeah. Coach asked why my parents didn’t sign it and I told him Dad left and Mom wasn’t exactly coherent enough to parent and he dropped it pretty quickly.”

“Kei,” he started, but thought better of it, shaking his head and sighing. “I’ve got class at 7 tomorrow, want me to drive you to your school so you don’t have to lug your suitcase across town?”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

He ruffled my hair affectionately and I ducked, trying to escape. He chuckled and pulled me into a one armed hug, one arm grabbing the door frame. “I’m just gonna have cereal for dinner, so eat what you want. But eat something, m‘kay?”

I nodded again, turning my focus to the bag in my hands, fiddling with the corners. I saw Aki frown slightly out of the corner of my eye, and sighed. “I’m fine, Aki. I’ll eat when I’m done packing.”

“Alright.” He walked down the hallway into the kitchen, and I retreated into my room, tossing my baggie into my suitcase. I mentally went through my packing list, checking my suitcase as I went. Once I was sure that I had everything, I headed into the kitchen, grabbing the bread from the pantry. Akiteru was sitting at the table, so I wagged two pieces of bread in his direction. 

“Look. Food. I’m eating.” I muttered. 

“Make sure you get a fruit.” He responded, not looking up from his phone. 

I dropped the bread in the toaster, pushing the lever down. I slid across the floor to our fruit basket and plucked an apple out. “Happy?” I asked, and he hummed. 

“Yup.”

I rolled my eyes, and continued making my meal. I dropped into a seat at our table and started eating my toast. “Hey,” I said through a mouthful of bread. I swallowed. “Are you gonna be okay while I’m gone?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. I’m staying with a classmate for the weekend, ‘cause we have a project together anyways.”

I nodded, and went back to eating. We sat in silence, the only noise was the faint sound of guitar coming from Akiteru’s earbuds. When I was done, I cleaned my dishes up and headed out of the kitchen. “I'm going to bed.”

“Night, Kei. I love you.” Aki said, finally looking up from his phone. “I mean it. I love you.”

“Love you too, Aki.” I mumbled. 

“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you,” he smirked. 

“I love you too, Aki.” I repeated, a bit louder. He smiled broadly, and I rolled my eyes, walking to my room. I quickly got ready for bed, groaning when I had to pull my toothbrush from my suitcase. I double checked that I had an alarm set, and climbed into bed. I rolled onto my side, and stared into the darkness. God, I was so nervous. All I could do was hope that I wouldn’t distract our team and ruin the camp for everyone else. I sighed, and closed my eyes. I thought back to the previous night, and fell asleep to my memory of Kageyama quietly singing and running his fingers through my hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god i promised this would come out faster, but i lied. i apologize again (and probably not for the last time), but the good news is that the next chapter is completely written, and it's also the longest one yet. we're finally on our way to training camp and a lot of angst! thanks for sticking around :] (also, none of these chapters have been beta'd. if you notice something that needs to be fixed, please let me know!)
> 
> also this fic just hit 10k words, and we haven't even gotten to the main arc yet D: if you think this is moving too slowly please let me know as well.


	5. Are We There Yet?

It was too early for them to be this energetic. I couldn’t fathom how Hinata was jumping all over the place while I was barely managing to keep my eyes open. I looked around for Yamaguchi, worried about where I would sit on the bus. Normally, we would sit next to each other with no questions asked, but I still hadn’t taken Suga’s advice and spoken to him. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have the time, what with the training camp coming up, but in reality, I wasn’t making the time. Now, because of my procrastination, all I could do was hope that the tension between us wouldn’t mess up the team during camp.

“Oh, here comes Takeda.” Ukai announced. I glanced down the road, and sure enough, our bus was speeding around the corner.

“Um,” Asahi started, “is it just me, or did Takeda get worse at driving?” The bus screeched to a stop about 20 feet ahead of us, and we all watched Takeda stumble out of the bus, clutching at his chest. Daichi jogged over to him, steadying him with a hand to his shoulder.

“Are you okay, sensei?” He asked. Just then, Tanaka’s sister clambered down the steps, spinning the keys to the bus around her finger and grinning like a madman.

“Hey, sensei! You should let me drive more often! We got here so fast, and we had so much fun! DIdn’t we, sensei?” She caught the keys mid spin and held them tightly. Takeda groaned weakly in response.

“Ah,” I said, and the team echoed me. Tanaka stepped forward and jabbed an accusatory finger towards his sister.

“Saeko! What’re you doing here? And what did you do to Takeda?”

She put her hands on her hips and cocked her head to the side, still grinning. “Hey, now! Is that any way to greet your older sister?” She lunged for him and put him in a light chokehold, knuckling his head. “I convinced your sensei to let me drive the bus here! Told him I was walking home, but it was really far, and wouldn’t it be super nice of him to let me on the bus so I wouldn’t have to walk as far?”

Tanaka had wrestled his way free and was gently rubbing his scalp. “How’d you convince him to let you drive?”

“Oh, that was the easy part.” She laughed abruptly. “Hey, sensei! You coherent? Wanna tell them?” Takeda mumbled something about potatoes and we all glared at Saeko. She smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. She cleared her throat. “Anyways, I told him I knew a short-cut so he would get to you guys faster, and he basically threw me the keys. Maybe I went a little too fast…” She ended her sentence muttering with her hand on her chin.

“You  _ think _ ?” Tanaka retorted. Saeko shrugged.

“Well, I better get going. Mom’s waiting for me.” She tossed Ukai the keys and he caught them expertly with one hand. She turned and started walking away while Tanaka stood gaping like a fish out of water, clearly upset that she had gotten the last word in. 

“Alright, alright!” Ukai clapped his hands. “Everyone load your luggage!” He had stepped forward and opened the compartment on the side of the bus, and was now leaning to the storage area. We all heaved our bags in, and made our way onto the bus. I watched in dismay as Yamaguchi dragged a disgruntled and confused Tanaka down to sit with him. I glanced around at the rapidly filling seats, searching for a place to sit. Nishinoya had wrestled Asahi into the window seat next to him, and HInata was already fast asleep on a slightly flushed Kageyama’s shoulder. Yachi and Kiyoko slid past me to sit in the front row across from Takeda, and the rest of the second years had all paired up. I took a stumbling step forward, and felt a cool hand grab my arm. I looked down to see Suga smiling up at me. He let go of my arm to pat the spot next to him, and I frowned slightly.

“What about Daichi?” I asked. Suga pointed to the front where Daichi was just getting onto the bus and sitting next to Takeda. 

“He’s gonna stay with sensei, and make sure Saeko didn’t permanently break him.” He laughed at that, pulling me into the seat next to him. “You looked like a lost puppy,” he observed.

I groaned. “Was it that obvious?”

Suga patted my arm reassuringly. “Only ‘cause I saw Yamaguchi practically kidnap Tanaka, and I already knew what was going on between you two.”

I let out a sigh of relief. Suga put his hands over his knees and looked out the window, and I wished for a moment that I were an artist, if only to capture the tranquility and subtle sadness surrounding him. He took a breath and held it for a moment before letting it out in a burst of air. “Have you talked to him yet?”

I looked at the seat in front of me, dragging my fingernail up and down the back of it, not responding. He let out a breathy laugh, turning to look at me. “Tsukishima, I’m worried about you.” My finger stilled. “What’s going to happen to you if you lose him, Tsukishima?” I still didn’t move. I felt him shift his weight, and then his hand was on my chin, pulling me up to face him. He looked at me for a moment before poking my bottom lip with his other hand. “You’re chewing on your lip again. I stopped, and brought a hand to my mouth.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, my response muffled by my hand.

Suga slid his hand to my cheek. “For what? Being nervous about losing your best friend?”

I hesitated, looking over his shoulder and out the window. “For not knowing how I feel.” He lowered his hands and waited for me to continue. “I know I don’t need to apologize to you, but I can’t bring myself to talk to the person who actually needs to hear this yet.” I turned away from him and dropped my head, resting the top of it against the back of the seat in front of me, staring at the tears that were collecting on my glasses. Suga reached forward and started rubbing circles on my back.

“If you need to vent, I’ll listen.” He spoke with a calm assurance, and I took a shaky breath.

“He’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose him. No, I can’t lose him. If I lose him, it’ll break me. I can’t bring myself to talk to him because that’s just it, he’s my best friend, and I don’t know if I feel anything for him beyond friendship. If I tell him that, I worry that he’ll distance himself from me or hate me, and I couldn’t bear that.”

We sat in silence, Suga still rubbing my back. Just when I thought Suga wasn’t going to respond, his hand stilled.

“You said you weren’t sure if you felt anything beyond friendship for him,” he started. I nodded, sliding my glasses off and drying my eyes with my sleeve. “Well, let’s start there. Figuring that out is the first step to resolving this whole situation.”

I wiped my glasses off with the hem of my shirt. “I don’t even know what love feels like. I mean, besides like, familial love.”

Suga smiled softly. “This first step is also going to be one of the hardest.”

I groaned. “Could you at least tell me how you knew you loved—” I broke off, jolting slightly as Hinata’s head popped up over the back of our seat.

“Hey, hey! Do you guys know if we’re almost there?”

“Are you stupid?” I paused. “Well, yes, you are. Moving on,” I stopped as Hinata pouted and reached to poke my cheek, but I swatted his hand away, hoping he wouldn’t realize that I had been crying. “It’s like, a five hour drive, and we’ve been driving for, what, thirty minutes?”

“So, that’s a no?” He responded, dragging his ‘so’ out much longer than necessary.

Suga smiled patiently. “We’ve still got a long way to go, Shoyo.”

“Okay…” He sounded kind of bummed out, and Suga spun awkwardly to pat him on the head.

“Why don’t you go try and sleep again? It’ll make the drive seem shorter.” 

“I guess…” He slid out of the seat he was in and was flung into Kageyama’s lap as Ukai took a sharp turn.

Kageyama looked up at me, and I gave him a thumbs up, mouthing “Nice.” He covered his face with his hands, blushing. Hinata bolted up, also bright red, and scrambled off of Kageyama.

I smirked. “Hey, shrimp! That’s why you gotta stay seated!”

Tanaka spun around in his seat and yelled, “Hinata didn’t say no homo!” Hinata whipped around to face him, sputtering. I was about to join Tanaka in teasing them, but suddenly a growing concern started rising in my chest. I remembered the pain in Kageyama’s eyes when he had told me that Hinata had stopped coming by his house. I looked over at Suga, and saw my worry reflected in his eyes.

“Tanaka.” Suga spoke with quiet authority. “That’s enough.”   
  
Tanaka froze and turned to look at us. When he saw our faces, he glanced back at the subjects of his torment. They were both blushing furiously and facing away from each other, sitting as far apart as the small seat would allow. It was a stark contrast to the scene from five minutes ago when Hinata was drooling on Kageyama’s shoulder as they both slept.

Tanaka frowned and slumped down in his seat, squinting. He turned back to me and whispered, “Are they, y’know…” he made random gestures with his hands as he broke off.

I shrugged. “Dating? No. In love with each other but denying it? Probably.” Tanaka folded his arms and nodded once, sharply, as if he had known all along and was merely keeping me in the loop. I rolled my eyes and rested my head against the seat again, ignoring the prick of pain as Yamaguchi refused to turn away from the window. 

A few moments passed before Suga spoke quietly against the dull murmur of low voices and the hum of the engine. “You were going to ask how I knew that I loved Daichi, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” I replied, turning my head to face him. 

He looked down at me and smiled. “I always knew I loved him in some way. At first, it was just platonic, but near the middle of our second year, I started noticing that my love for him was turning more romantic. It was around that same time that he started avoiding me.

“I was really hurt by that, and I didn’t try to talk to him. I let him keep avoiding me in school, in volleyball, and outside of school, fully convinced that I had done something wrong. After about three weeks of this, I was handing in my club resignation form and about to file for a class transfer because seeing Daichi hurt too much. When I handed in my resignation form, our captain at the time took me to the side and asked me why I was really quitting. I caved and told him everything, and he basically told me what I told you.” He rubbed his hands together and continued, “I realized that losing Daichi’s friendship was the worst thing that could happen to me, so I cornered him and demanded that he tell me what I had done wrong.

“He looked shell-shocked. ‘What you did wrong?’ he asked me. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’ That knocked me back a little, and so I asked him why he had been avoiding me. He started crying, and I wasn’t sure what to do. He finally whispered, ‘I thought it would go away if I avoided you.’ I asked him what he meant and he said, ‘I’m in love with you, Koushi.’ I took a step back, and Daichi told me later that I looked like someone had killed my favorite pet in front of me. He misinterpreted my expression and mumbled, ‘I knew it would ruin things.’

Suga took a breath and ran a hand through his hair. “By now, I was crying too, and I couldn’t talk because I was so choked up, and I just shook my head. He started walking away from me, and I panicked, so I grabbed him by the shoulders and kissed him. I think I surprised myself as much as I surprised him.”

I snorted, and Suga jabbed me in the ribs. “Let me tell the story! Right. So, I kissed him and told him I loved him too, and told him what an idiot he was. The rest is history.” He looked up to the front where Daichi was sitting and smiled warmly. 

“How…” I stopped, trying to word my sentence correctly. “How did you know it had stopped being platonic and started being romantic? Like, what did it feel like?”

He looked up, considering. “Well, I want to first say that everyone feels love and recognizes it in different ways, so please don’t take my experience as the only right answer.” He looked down at his hands and clasped them, then looked up at the ceiling of the bus. “I don’t really know how to word it. When we first met, I knew Sawamura would be special to me. There was this, I almost want to say spark, between us and I knew we would be inseparable. Whenever we were together, I would be that happiest I had ever been. We were a flawless unit in volleyball. I think I realized I was in love with him when he went on a date with Shimizu.”

“Kiyoko?” I interrupted, lifting my head up to look at him.

He laughed. “Yes. Kiyoko and Daichi went on a date, and I was jealous. At first I thought I was jealous of Daichi, and that I actually liked Kiyoko, but then I realized I was actually jealous of Kiyoko. That was hard for me to swallow because I had grown up in a household where being gay was seen as a sin, and I knew if I told my parents I thought I might be bisexual, they wouldn’t be happy. Ultimately, it came down to me picking my happiness over their happiness. They still aren’t happy, but now they understand that Sawamura makes me happy and it’s not just a phase.” 

He took a breath and squeezed his hands together. “So I guess I knew I was really in love with him because I was ready to give up everything for him. This is going to sound cliché, but for me, falling in love was like fireworks. It was like I had lived my whole life in black and white until I met Sawamura.”

I frowned. I definitely hadn’t felt anything like that.

Suga saw me frowning and put his hands up. “Like I said, it’s different for everyone. You probably won’t have the same experience as me.”

I sighed, dropping my head again. Suga patted my back sympathetically. 

“Ugh,” someone groaned. 

I looked up to see Daichi flopping into the seat in front of us, resting his chin on the top of it in order to look at Suga fondly. 

“How did I not notice?” I mused. 

Daichi laughed. “Not even Asahi knows, so don’t feel too bad.”

My eyes widened. “Asahi doesn’t know?” They both shook their heads. 

“Huh. And I take it he hasn’t told you about his love life either?”

“Wasn’t aware there was much going on in that area of his life.” Daichi said, putting a finger to his chin. 

I snorted. 

“What?” Suga asked. 

“I may not have figured you guys out, but I figured Asahi and Nishinoya out.”

They both stared at me, then turned to look at where Asahi and Nishinoya were sitting together, Noya gesturing animatedly and Asahi smiling with soft wonder.

“Holy shit…” Daichi whispered.

Suga turned back to me, jaw dropped. “Is there anyone else you’ve noticed?”

Daichi whipped around to hear my response, and I smirked. “Well, there’s idiots 1 and 2 in the back there,” I pointed over my shoulder with my thumb. “I’m pretty sure you knew about that.” They nodded slowly. “Then there’s Yachi and Kiyoko, and Ukai and Takeda.” I paused, ignoring their dumbfounded expressions. “You know, our volleyball club is a statistical anomaly. I’m not sure that there’s a single straight person here. Almost like a writer is taking creative liberties with us…” I looked up, tapping my chin. “Nah. Nevermind.”

I turned back to Suga and Daichi, and they were still staring at me, stunned. “What?” I asked.

Suga opened and closed his mouth several times before finally making a sound. “How long have you known? How did you even notice?”

I grinned. “I am merely a scientist observing my subjects and their behavior.” 

Daichi scowled at me.

“Fine, fine. Hinata and Kageyama were obvious to everyone. Ukai and Takeda were easy to figure out, seeing as Takeda literally lights up like a Christmas tree when Ukai walks in, and whenever Ukai is watching Takeda or talking about him he gets all dreamy.” I laughed at this.

Suga laughed as well. “I can’t imagine Ukai getting ‘dreamy.’”

“Watch him next time Takeda walks by, it’s hilarious.” I paused, gathering my thoughts. “I don’t have any solid ‘evidence’ on Yachi and Kiyoko, I just have a hunch. With Asahi and Nishinoya though, I walked in on them making out in the club room.”   
  
Daichi burst out laughing and fell back onto his seat, making it so we couldn’t see him. Suga looked at me curiously, before I could almost see the lightbulb go off over his head. “Yesterday!” He exclaimed, hitting his fist on his palm. My smile quirked, and I gestured for him to continue. “When you came out of the club room still in your gym clothes, and said Asahi and Nishinoya were in there! You didn’t change because they were,” he lowered his voice and wiggled his eyebrows, “Making out.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” I poked his forehead, pushing him away from me. Daichi was still laughing on his back, wiping tears from his eyes.    
  
I looked over at Asahi and Nishinoya, and saw that Noya was curled up on the seat with his head on Asahi’s lap, sleeping.

I watched them for a bit before a thought occurred to me and I froze, my smile melting off of my face. I slowly turned to Suga who was mid-conversation with Daichi, and when Daichi saw my face he paled. Suga stopped talking, worried, and turned to follow his gaze. When he saw me, his hand flew to my shoulder.

“Kei? Are you alright?”

I took a shaky breath. “Suga...how did I notice all of that, and not notice that Yamaguchi loved me? How did I not notice that I was hurting him?” My eyes were starting to well up with tears. 

Suga sighed and closed his eyes. He took a breath and looked me in the eyes. “Tsukishima, it’s a lot harder to notice things when you’re involved. Take Hinata and Kageyama, for example. To us, it’s completely obvious what’s going on, but for them, they have a limited perspective and aren’t completely aware of themselves and each other. Plus, when you look at them, you know what you’re looking for. You didn’t expect this, so you wouldn’t have known to look for it in your own life.”

I had my head in my hands, and Suga moved his hand from my shoulder to rub affectionately at my hair. “Please don’t beat yourself up over this,” he pleaded. I looked up at him, making his hand fall away. My eyes widened at the deep sorrow and compassion in his eyes. “Please,” he repeated. 

“I’ll try,” I whispered. He reached forward and patted my hand, and Daichi leaned over to ruffle my hair. Suga looked at something over my shoulder and smiled. I turned to see Tanaka and Yamaguchi watching us curiously. I scrubbed at my eyes, once again hoping nobody could tell that I had been crying. When I looked back up, Yamaguchi had already turned around and was looking out the window. I frowned, and started to call his name, but stopped. He had every right to be mad at me. I sighed and tilted my head back until it hit the back of our seat. Suga poked my leg and I looked over at him.

“Try and sleep. You’ll feel better.”

I hummed in agreement and closed my eyes, begging whatever powers may be that I would not dream of another empty court, another broken heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, uploading another chapter this soon? probably not gonna happen again...  
> anyways, i wanted to upload this chapter now since i have it done and since it's nishinoya's birthday tomorrow (oct 10th)! this is the longest chapter yet, and once the training camp starts we're gonna have some major angst >:] once again, this hasn't been beta'd, so let me know if you find any mistakes. thanks for sticking around <3


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